


His Person

by badmurphy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Amnesia, Implied Past Abuse, M/M, domestic murphamy, no real medical knowledge at all so please don't hate lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-05 02:05:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16358600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badmurphy/pseuds/badmurphy
Summary: AU in which Murphy and Bellamy are married and have adopted a child together that Murphy is very sure hates him. Despite that, all is relatively well until Bellamy is injured at work and that's just the beginning of their problems.





	1. Maybe this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of murphy self-hate here because it's....you know...murphy?
> 
> also i am making this a multi-chapter because....MOOODDD

Bellamy was the one who wanted to adopt.

Murphy never really saw himself as parental material. Hell, he still wasn't sure how Plath had survived as long as she had under his care but cats were crafty as all hell so that definitely had something to do with it.

The small child that was blissfully sitting in her car seat, completely unaware of everything going on around her? She didn't seem all that crafty. Of course, she was only a few months old so Murphy probably wasn't giving her a fair chance and his amazon review of her fell a bit short due to the stress he was currently under.

"Bellamy Blake." A rather large male with dark hair and light eyes made his way into the waiting room, eyes darting around the room to find who this Blake guy belonged to and Murphy's heart skipped a beat. _Him_. Bellamy belonged to _him_. He was unsure of so many things in his life. Particularly if going back to school to be a nurse was a bad idea and if he would ever be able to pick up Sylvia without having her scream her head off.

 _Maybe this time_.  

Maybe if he is picking her up to place her into Bellamy's arms, maybe that would be okay. Maybe that she wouldn't hate him. She loved Bellamy. Who didn't? Murphy had always been the problem. He wasn't lovable and he wondered what Bellamy even saw in him most days.

"I'm his person." Murphy said softly as he stood up, his voice was barely a whisper, grabbing the carrier for the car seat as he went over to the doctor to get the news. The thought that it might be bad news was pushed as far back as possible.

When the other officers came to the house to tell Murphy the news, he hadn't taken it well. There was a stand off. Bellamy had been a hero and paid the price. Multiple gunshot wounds had put him in intensive care and the whole thing sounded so fake. It was like he was watching a movie. Voices were talking all around him but he couldn't say anything or process anything. His life was being narrated to him and the voice was going in and out of focus. He just wanted it to stop. It hurt so much. His brain was spinning and all he felt was pain and confusion. Seconds later he found himself vomiting, face deep in the toilet as he felt strong hands grab him to pick him up but they weren't Bellamy's and he didn't want them. There was a blue shirt and a badge but it wasn't his husband's and as they helped him up, all Murphy could do was just sob because fucking Bellamy Blake had to be a hero. 

And now he was standing there and the doctor was looking at him with his light blue eyes and Murphy could just feel it coming. He never had anything good happen to him for long so why would Bellamy be any different. Of course Bellamy would be taken from him too.

"We got all of the bullets out of him." The big guy finally says. Nyko, his name tag reads and Murphy thinks that he's going to vomit again but this time because he can't breathe out of relief and gratitude and for the first time in his life, he is thanking whomever may rule over the universe for not taking the opportunity to royally fuck him over for once. The big guy looks at him and then at the baby that is still fast asleep and Murphy is very aware of how out of place he looks with a small baby in her car seat. His faded black jeans and the slightly stretched out grey sweater he's wearing with small holes for his thumbs cut out is not exactly the look of a father. And when you consider his combat boots and the way his messy hair strings across his face and just all over the place, it looks like bad photoshop to have Sylvia there with him.

"Thanks." Murphy finally says and he feels kind of light headed. "Can I see him?" Murphy asks and his voice sounds so incredibly small as he looks up at the other male with something in his eyes that's a mix of hope and fear. If they won't let him see Bellamy, Murphy is fine spending the rest of the evening there and however long it takes for them to let him see his husband. At this point he's already been there over twelve hours, what was a bit more time? But the big guy nods and one of the nurses volunteers to watch the baby as he goes over toward where they've been keeping Murphy's husband. The doctor mentions something about a concussion and swelling in his head and Murphy is in nursing school so he knows that is some bad shit but fuck, Bellamy literally survived getting shot multiple times. What was a little swelling in his head by comparison to being shot five times for trying to stop a guy from killing a bunch of people?

"Fucking shit." Murphy is literally yelling as soon as he sees Bellamy and it hits him then and there how terrified he was and just how close he had been to losing the love of his life. "You fucking bastard. What the fuck? Bellamy, fuck." And Murphy wants to punch him and kick him and yell at him some more but he also wants to kiss him and hold him and just breathe in the realization that Bellamy is fine. He will be absolutely fine and they will walk out of this place with Slyvia and go home and everything will be just fine. "Who the fuck told you that you had to be a hero? Why the fuck didn't you let Miller go? He's not fucking married with a fucking baby? What the fuck, babe." And at that, Murphy actually does smack the side of Bellamy's thigh. He's losing his mind in the middle of the unit and thankfully there aren't many people around or at least they are all thankfully pretending that this exchange isn't going down.

Murphy would lose it even more if everyone was looking at him but no one is looking at him. Only Bellamy. 

His brown eyes are watching Murphy with an intensity and Murphy can't gauge what the look actually means. They just kind of stare at each other for a moment and it's the first time Murphy can assess the situation. Bellamy still looks devastatingly handsome, even with bruises and cuts and bullet holes. The way his messy curls frame his face has Murphy moving forward to push them out of his eyes and that's when it happens.

Bellamy actually flinches like Murphy's cut him but all he's done is try to get Bellamy's hair out of his face. "Sorry," Murphy's voice is barely a whisper as his eyes shoot to the floor. He shouldn't have yelled. He shouldn't have made a scene and smacked Bellamy's thigh. Why couldn't he just control his emotions for once? "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell and hit you, Bell. I was just worried. I have been so worried and scared and I'm so sorry.." His hand goes to cup Bellamy's cheek and it not even a second before Bellamy moves away, trying desperately to avoid any kind of contact. "Okay." Murphy breathes and he feels himself go dizzy again. "What the fuck is your problem, Bell? I get that you're mad but you almost died and now I can't even touch your face without you freaking out on me?" And Murphy is so freaking pissed but it's not even that. It hurts. Bellamy doesn't want to be touched by him and the rejection hurts so bad that he doesn't know what to do with himself. His eyes narrow at Bellamy, arms crossing in front of his chest as Murphy waits for some kind of answer as to why Bellamy won't accept his caresses and then when it finally comes, Murphy sinks slightly.

"I don't know who you are." Bellamy's eyes are serious and he says the words slowly as if he need to explain to a small child that they can't have the candy they want. 

Murphy thinks he might be sick. This is some kind of sick joke and then he just wants to punch Bellamy again but he doesn't, he just looks at him with a sour expression on his face. "Very funny, Bell. You know your jokes have always sucked ass." He shifts slightly, arms still crossed and face very clearly annoyed with the other.

"Look, I am very sorry that you are upset and I am sure that whatever has happened to you is very traumatic but I don't know you. I don't know how you got here. I don't really understand anything that has happened since you got here. They told me my sister was here and then you showed up and maybe...I don't know. I don't understand much, right now. I got shot and I hit my head and I just want to see my family and get out of here, you know?" And Bellamy actually sounds completely understanding about everything as he tells Murphy that he just wants to see his family.

His family. His sister, Octavia. Not him. 

"Bell." His eyes feel wet and they burn as Murphy feels his lips start to tremble. "How do I know your name?" Murphy is scared to hear the answer to his own question.

"I don't know. You read it on my chart?" Is all Bellamy offers and his hand goes to his hair, like he's too frustrated to deal with all of this right now and he is. It just makes his head hurt worse and he wishes that the weird guy who came in and yelled at him weird gibberish for the last few minutes would just leave him be.

So that's what Murphy does. He doesn't put up a fight or argue to Bellamy that he wouldn't have even had time to look at his chart when he came in. He just simply leaves. Walks away from his husband. _His_ _person_. 

His legs are shaky as he makes his way to the closest restroom and locks the door behind him. Back resting against the door as he sinks down to the floor, tears wetting his cheeks. He can't breathe and he wants to throw up again but he doesn't have the energy to do anything but sob against the door, curling in on himself. All he can think about are the strong arms that should be holding him and how it's fitting. Of course Bellamy wouldn't remember him. He'd block himself out too. Of course Bellamy wouldn't believe that he'd end up with someone like John Murphy. He wasn't anything to phone home about and Bellamy was literally everything and more. The tears didn't seem to stop coming as his hand went up to cover his face. The cold ring on his finger serving as a reminder that even if Bellamy didn't remember it, what they had once was very real and it was everything. 


	2. It isn't and it doesn't.

Everything seems to happen all around him and it just kind of makes Bellamy's head hurt.

His eyes are trained on his hands as his fingers brush his wedding ring over and over like it's a magic lamp that will solve all his problems. It isn't and it doesn't. 

The doctors tell him that he doesn't remember anything due to the swelling and that hopefully when it goes down a bit, he could potentially get his memories back but he has to be prepared for if they don't. It literally takes three of them to break this news to him and all Bellamy can do is stare down at his ring and wonder which one of them ~~or maybe it was all of them?~~ told John. And at that thought, there is the tiniest of smirks on his lips because he can picture the other throwing a huge fit and punching someone because apparently his husband has a violent streak? And it's so weird to think about how he has a husband, despite the fact that he can't even remember how they met. 

He gives a small sigh as the doctors stare at him like he's some kind of experiment for them to play with and he hates that feeling. It makes his skin crawl. When they finally leave him, Bellamy's all alone in the hospital room and he wonders if John is ever coming back. Not that Bellamy blames him because the whole situation was fucked and Bellamy didn't exactly make it easier on him by asking him to leave over and over again the night before.

His hand is in his curls as he shifts back against the bed, turns the television on for background noise as he tries his best to remember something. Anything. But nothing comes. 

"Hey, big brother." Octavia's voice is uncharacteristically soft as she slips into the room. He hadn't even heard the door open but there is a feeling of happiness bursting in his chest because he doesn't feel entirely alone anymore. 

"Hey," his voice is a bit hoarse and he clears his throat though he knows it won't help any. Her hair is different from what he remembers, short with a blunt cut to it so it's longer in the front than it is in the back but her eyes are still bright, though they look slightly sad. "You cut your hair." He gives her a small smile as she walks over to him slowly and he can really see it then. The sadness. The Octavia he remembers is a bright and sunny with long hair and kind of a temper at times but she's good-hearted. Which is surprising considering how much she went through growing up but now as he looks at her he wonders if those childhood years have caught up to them in the in-between.

That's what he's named the period of time he doesn't remember, _the in-between_.

Six years doesn't seem all that long but apparently for them, it's like another life all together. 

He wants to ask her what is wrong but he's scared because there is a feeling in the pit of his stomach that wonders if it was him. If he somehow caused her to lose the sparkle in her bright blue eyes and it's like she can tell what he's thinking because her hand reaches for his arm as she gives it a light squeeze. 

"You don't like it." She turns her head to the side a bit but there is a small smile on her face as she takes a seat by the hospital bed. "You always liked the long hair. You would tell me I was like Rapunzel." Bellamy always did like his stories and while he wanted to read her history and greek mythology, Octavia always loved fairy tales. They had a happy ending and she needed that. She needed the assurance that everything would turn out okay in the end. Her eyes fall to the ring on his finger and her smile fades. Bellamy tries to search her expression but it's completely foreign to him and six years must have changed a lot between them because he's always known all of Octavia's expressions since she was a baby. 

"I do like it. It's just different," he assures her as he swallows hard and his fingertips trace over his ring again before he covers his hand with the heavy hospital blanket. 

"Yeah." She nods and her hair moves around a bit. "So weird, huh? What's it like? Last thing you remember is falling asleep one night and now it's six years later and you're married with a baby?" Octavia makes a face because maybe if she just addresses the whole thing it will make it easier for both of them. Make it easier for him, really, because not knowing shit about your own life must be frustrating and as soon as she's done talking she can see his face go pale and there were so many points in which her sentence could have gone wrong and she wonders which of them caused that reaction. And then it hits her. _Baby_. He had no idea. Murphy was probably going to murder her. _Great_. 

Bellamy's hand comes back up to cover his face and the ring feels cold against his skin. Unexpected but then again, all of this was. He feels so lost and he just wants the world to open up and swallow him whole because he isn't sure what he did to deserve not knowing anything about what happened to his life in the past six years, which was clearly a lot. "How old?" It's the first thing he asks and his face is still covered with his hand as he wonders how much of his child's life he's lost out on. It's bad enough that he can't remember his marriage but John is an adult and this child is not. _Their_ child. 

"Seven months." Octavia squeezes his arm again. "Her name is Sylvia." And there is more to the story, there always is, but Octavia doesn't know any of those details.  All she knows is based off a single text message picture that she left on read, seven months ago. She's never even seen her niece in person and she knows that makes her a shitty person. The brunette swallows hard as she brings out her phone and scrolls through messages until she gets to Murphy's name and as she clicks on it, she sees the most beautiful little girl in the world. It's not hers to share but she figures Murphy is already going to kill her anyway as she slides the phone to her brother.

He's almost scared to look but curiosity gets the better of him and Bellamy bites his bottom lip before his hand comes down to touch the phone. His fingertips trace over the face of a new born and he wishes that he could remember her but he can't and it's too much for him as he feels his eyes start to water. This wasn't supposed to be like this and he feels like he can't breathe. The room is small and then big and it's just spinning. Everything is going in circles and absolutely nothing is clear. Octavia is talking but he doesn't understand. He can't focus on anything until he notices messy brown hair and bright blues staring his way and that seems to center him for some reason. He chooses to focus on the blue eyes as they move closer to him and his breathing starts to settle. Everything starts to settle and the room stops spinning and Bellamy thinks he might be imagining the whole thing but John is very real and he is very much there and the look on his face says he's not happy.

"Why would you fucking do that, Octavia?" Bellamy blinks a few times. John's voice is very different than what it was last night. It's shaky and weak and the anger that was there last night isn't there. This is different. He sounds hurt and his eyes are red and puffy like he's spent the better part of the last twenty-four hours crying. Which he has, actually. Octavia moves back from Bellamy as she looks over at Murphy. Her expression is unreadable again and that's starting to piss Bellamy off. All of this is starting to piss Bellamy off because he doesn't know what's happening and no one wants to be completely honest with him about his own fucking life.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Bellamy's voice sounds really angry when he hears himself and he barely recognizes himself but what else is new? Nothing that's happening to him currently is recognizable except the feeling in his heart when he sees John finch at his words. If the situation was reversed, he is not sure what he would do.

"I..." Murphy looks hurt, eyes falling toward the ground as he tries to reconcile with the fact that he's the bad guy in the story now, at least that's how it looks in Bellamy's eyes and he didn't want that. After making the huge scene the night before and everything, he wanted things to be different. He wanted to show Bellamy that he could be someone worth of Bellamy's love. Or at least he used to be. To another version of Bellamy because the way this one looks at him is cold like a stranger would look at him. And it makes him so incredibly bitter and he hates it. He hates that Bellamy doesn't care about him anymore. Or Sylvia. All he cares about is Octavia and fuck her, honestly.

"John." Bellamy says and it doesn't sound right. It's not how Bellamy normally says his name. There is no love in the way he says it, he could be saying pineapple for all Murphy knows. 

"Don't call me that." The words fly out so fast that they surprise even Murphy and his heart is beating like crazy. "It's Murphy. Call me _Murphy_ , not John." And he hates him. Murphy realizes that Bellamy's still waiting on an answer to his question and fuck him, honestly.

"I didn't want to overwhelm you, you fucking asshole." Murphy knocks over a box of gloves like they are the cause of all his problems and they have offended him greatly. There is the anger again. This wasn't the way this was supposed to happen. Bellamy doesn't think he's some angry jerk who hides things from him, Bellamy is his husband and he loves him. They have no secrets from each other. 

A small moment passes where none of them say anything. They just sit as the silence consumes them a bit.

"How did we meet?" It's been on Bellamy's mind since last night and it appears that he can't let a minute more go by without understanding just how all of this started. His expression is guarded as he watches Murphy from across the room. 

And all Murphy can think about is how much that hurts and how he's tired of being hurt by the person he loves more than anything in life. His person. He's tired of feeling like absolute shit and that Bellamy could never realize that _yes_ , it's true. At some point in their lives, Bellamy actually _did_ love Murphy enough to marry him. He's just so tired and he's started to realize that those days are never coming back and that Bellamy doesn't love him anymore. He doesn't even know him.

"Oh you know. It was straight out of one of those romantic comedies. I was just an adorable bright eyed idiot, selling my ass out for cash on the street. And then you showed up, the _good guy_ cop, and instead of putting my ass in jail you stuck your dick in me instead." He does his best to keep the tears back but it's all too much for him and he's looking at Bellamy and Bellamy just looks right back at him and he bolts. Similar to the night before. Murphy doesn't even wait to get a verbal reaction from Bellamy to the fable he just shared. He doesn't even know why he made the whole thing up. He just wanted to feel something. Anything. He wanted Bellamy to tell him that it wasn't true, that he didn't believe him, at the very least. None of that happened. 

Instead Bellamy just sat there watching him and then watching him go. He licked at his lips because of how dry they felt but it didn't seem to soothe him at all. 

Octavia shifts awkwardly in her seat, she feels guilty for setting Murphy off and half a million other things. She shakes her head back and forth and she knows what she has to do as she gets up and starts walking toward the door. 

Bellamy watches her go quietly. Her exit is much less dramatic than Murphy's and Bellamy's stares back down at his wedding ring like it's a time machine that will solve all his problems. It isn't and it doesn't. 


	3. Just trying to be the good guy.

Murphy's ass looks fantastic in his faded black jeans though the lighting in the bar doesn't exactly do much. It's all the same though as he sips on his long island ice tea. Mbege made it strong as fuck and Murphy's already regretting saying all that shit about his weak ass drinks. Murphy only shows up at the bar when Mbege is working because anyone else will card him and promptly kick his butt out when they realize he's only 19 and shouldn't be in a shady place like this. But Murphy's seen worse things in his short life.

He's alone at the bar, shaking his behind to the music like he always does because he doesn't give a fuck what anyone else thinks. He likes this song and he's going to sip his tea and have a tiny little dance session like no one is watching.

But his moves are interrupted when a large hand smacks his ass hard and Murphy just about loses his shit. 

"Hey, you want that hand cut the fuck off?" He spits out, eyes like daggers as the older male with the hands stands at the bar next to him with a smirk on his face and Murphy wants to punch him in the face. He's old enough that he could be Murphy's dad and that's way too twisted even for Murphy. 

"Name's Cage Wallace." Like that's supposed to mean something to Murphy and the younger male just rolls his eyes and continues to sip his tea. His lack of conversation on Murphy's part makes Cage think that he can continue yammering on and even when Murphy gives him his loudest most passive aggressive sigh, the guy is still going.

"Dude, I don't give a flying fuck." And Murphy's looking around for Mbege so he can get the Cage kicked out but Mbege must be in the back because Murphy can't find him anywhere. Cage's hand, however? It finds Murphy's ass again without a problem. "Dude, stop it." Murphy moves but the other male is persistent and the creepy smirk on his lips sends shivers down Murphy's spine. He doesn't stand a chance. " _Stop_." Cage's bigger and stronger than him. He's fought before, he could do that here. He could, until he remembers a heavy voice warning him that if he fights, it will only be worse. And Cage's hands are rough as they touch him as if on cue. Murphy's been here before. His eyes close and he thinks about poetry. He holds his breath and hopes that the weight of the world won't smother him.

**_I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;_ **

**_I lift my lids and all is born again._ **

And then there is a loud noise and he wants to cry because he's been here before. But something has changed and he doesn't feel heavy anymore. He doesn't feel large hands roaming his body but he's still too scared to open his eyes. 

"Fucking shit." Murphy's eyes open at the words because they seem so out of place and all he sees are brown eyes looking at him with so much concern and no one has ever looked at him like that. No one cares about Murphy. Not his mother. Not the foster care system. No one. Murphy wants to look away, see what the fuck happened and see if he can piece together when this guy shows up and where exactly Cage went but he finds that he's scared to look away. Like if he does, the stranger with concerning eyes will disappear. 

**_I think I made you up inside my head._ **

He looks away. Something inside him tells him that he doesn't deserve having someone look at him like that and he believes it every single time. His eyes threaten to start watering but he holds them back because he can't fight anyone as well as he can fight himself. And he realizes he is on the floor of the bar, just kind of sprawled out and he's not sure how he got there at all.

"Are you okay?" The man with concerned eyes asks and that's when Murphy realizes that he's really there. He has messy curls for hair and if it were not for his glasses, they would block his kind brown eyes entirely. He's got a strong jaw and his nose and cheeks are covered in freckles. "I think you hit your head. Let me take you to the hospital," he says and Murphy just kind of blinks at him until he realizes that his forehead feels wet and when his hand goes up to investigate why he feels a burn and then notices the blood on his fingers. He _had_ hit his head. When did that happen? 

"You knocked over your drink and when the glass broke, I think some cut the guy next to you and he freaked out and pushed you against the beam before bolting. The beam did that to you, not the glass, at least from what I can tell." The guy starts to look around for something and Murphy can't believe any of it. "Can I?" He asks and Murphy has no idea what he's talking about until the stranger shows him the napkins in his hand. Murphy just nods and then the guy presses the napkins to Murphy's head so softly like he thinks Murphy will break. But you can't break something if it's already broken. The guy bites his lower lip for a moment before taking a deep breath. "I really think I should take you to the hospital."

And it finally occurs to Murphy that he hasn't said one word in this whole exchange. Just laid there on the ground while the nice guy explained how things went down and tried to help Murphy soak up some of his blood with napkins. "I don't know who you are." Murphy says as he turns his head to the side slightly. "Why are you helping me?" His voice sounds small and he hates that. He hates sounding weak.

"My name's Bellamy, I'm a cop," the guy with messy curls informs him and Murphy thinks that's fitting. A cop, of course. "Just trying to be the good guy, I guess." And there is a small smirk on Bellamy's face and Murphy will remember that look for the rest of his life.

Murphy doesn't let the cop take him to the hospital. He makes up a story about how he's in nursing school and he could handle it and he was just about to head out anyway. They don't exchange numbers and Murphy doesn't even give Bellamy his name but he'll always remember the other's. And his curly hair and those freckles. And how the guy helped him out even though he didn't have to. Just trying to be the good guy. Maybe there were still good guys in the world. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!! hope it didn't suck too much.


End file.
